GMAT Defeat

I was defeated by the GMAT (Graduate Management Admission Test) yesterday

It sucks to admit defeat when all your life, you’ve come out on top or close to it.   Sharing this with the world somehow makes me feel paranoid that some potential business school admissions officer is going to find this and judge me on it, but I think and hope it will at least help others who have been in my shoes or will be soon.

The wound is still fairly fresh; it’s been only about 12 hours since I had left the testing facility, yet the remaining adrenaline has continued to keep me restless.  Where was this energy when I was studying?!

Breakdown of a GMAT

For those unfamiliar with the format of the GMAT:  it’s about 3.5 hours long, consists of typing two analytic essays, a 75-minute quantitative section, and a 75-minute verbal section.  It’s also a CAT,  a Computer Adaptive Test, which gives you questions based on the success of your previous answer.  A correct answer will give you a harder question next and vice versa.  No skipping allowed and unanswered questions count against you.

The Testing Experience

I had been warned that timing is the biggest problem for students with the GMAT and my case is no different.  What really disappoints me is that I’ve practiced with timing and had never had as serious of an issue until it was the actual exam.  I was fairly content with the scores I had been averaging, but of course I was always aiming to improve (to at least around 700 out of 800, I was getting around mid-600s).  When I had completed the exam and dreadfully clicked to the next screen to reveal my score, I had never felt more like a failure.  Let’s just say I would be embarrassed to accept it as a final score for my application.  $250 down the drain.  Hours of studying wasted it felt.  Countless “Good luck” texts and lots of confidence instilled by my cohorts and here I sat feeling like I let them down.  I let myself down.

So what exactly happened?

While many have tried to console me by telling me that “everyone has their off-days” or “it’s ok, you were sick,” only I know the thoughts running through my head, my approach to the exam, and what I can do better next time.  I don’t attribute my poor performance to anything other than discipline.  I think it was a change in mindset, perhaps from the heightened pressurized environment.  Not exactly nerves that got to me as I had felt pretty calm about the entire thing going into it, but rather the extreme urge for me to succeed and that I was not going to take a wrong answer in my first five questions (it’s been advised to ensure that you do as best as possible on the first few questions to set you on the track to as high of a score as possible).  The essays, which technically do not count towards the score out of 800, were a breeze to me and I was feeling quite good about the whole exam.  Heck, I was even having fun writing them!

It completely turned around once I began the math section.  I quickly worked to solve question 1, yet none of my answers were even close to any of the answer choices given.  I double and triple-checked and couldn’t understand where I could’ve gone wrong.  At that point, on a practice exam, I probably would have just taken an educated guess and moved on, as I had always come into the practice thinking, “let’s just see where I’m at.”  Being that it was the real deal and was only the first question, I had harped over it for what seemed like an eternity.  I could not bring myself to guess as I knew the consequences of an incorrect answer would immediately set me on the lower path.  Especially being from a math-intensive background, I was frustrated that I let a math question get the best of me!  This had set me off timing-wise for the rest of the section and left me selecting random answers as the clock ticked to its last second.  Mind you, bubbling answers on a scantron sheet at the last second is completely different from selecting random answers on a computer, as there are three clicks before getting to the next question (answer choice, “Next”, “Confirm”).

In the verbal section, I had done much better with timing and felt confident I could raise my score since I had taken a practice verbal test right before my exam and scored in the 96th percentile, with time to spare.  So I told myself, “Take your time.”  Well somehow, I stuck a little too closely to my advice and instead of performing the same way I had in the practice, I noticed my time per question was quickly dwindling to the point where I did not even have a minute per question remaining!  It came down to once again, bubbling random answers, but this time leaving less questions unanswered at the end.

At last, the exam was done.  I stared blankly at the screen in utter disappointment in myself thinking, “how did I let this happen?!”  I was certain I could at least score what I normally do.  If you look back at my approach, I’m sure it’s easy to pick out exactly where I went wrong.  Statistically, I’ve been told that answering every question could make a difference of 100 points.

Looking Forward

I’ll admit, after receiving my score, I questioned my ability and whether this — pursuing an MBA — is what I wanted.  That’s when I started to ask myself, “Why do I need to do this anyway?!” ” With enough drive, isn’t anything possible in life?”  “Why should a school base their decision on how well I scored on this exam?”  But after I exhausted all the questions that came to mind, it only made me want to work harder, to prove myself, if not to anyone else, that I can do this.  I know I am not alone in having to re-take the GMAT.  Perhaps I needed this to set a fire under me and really work to get my ideal score.

My approach this time around though is that I won’t constrain myself to a test date.  Once I’ve been able to nail a solid score, I think I’ll schedule another exam and try it out again.  I had taken a prep course at USD, which was a good way to introduce me to the material, but for the amount of time spent in class, I think I would have benefited more from studying independently.  Studying techniques vary person to person, though I highly recommend purchasing the software on  800score.com ($40 compared to a $1000 class!).

If you have taken the GMAT and would like to share your experience or tips, I would love to hear them!  Best of luck to those enduring this pursuit!

I don’t wanna grow up, I wanna be an MBA kid.

I think the title says it all. I went to my first GMAT Sample Test class today at USD, which is basically just an hour-long overview of what their full 42-hour course offers. It was a good way to get me thinking about what I might get myself into. I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about what my future holds and what I want to do with myself. I’m happy with my life but nowhere near where I want to be, which is still rather cloudy. I feel that until you are completely satisfied with every bit of your life and who you’ve become, there are countless opportunities to grow and improve. So one of my goals this year is to complete the GMATs and apply to a business school and start tackling an MBA degree perhaps next year.

First off, why? Well, I’m 9 months out of college and while I do enjoy what I’m doing at work, it just doesn’t feel enough. I know I’ve always wanted to get a post-grad degree, just wasn’t sure if I wanted to go technical or business. I’ve always enjoyed learning the business aspect, so this seems to be a natural next step.

Secondly, I still am discovering what it is I want to do and where to plant myself in the world. Is it in a technical field? Is it in management? Something philanthropic? Something completely different from all of the above? I’m just not sure and I don’t think that working another few years at my current job will allow me to see enough diversity. I think getting an MBA will allow me to see other opportunities that I didn’t get to see as an undergrad, even after minoring in Entrepreneurship. And if I don’t, then it becomes another degree I have under my belt to sell my skills.

Lastly, (and one of the major reasons) my company will pay for it! Or at least a large portion depending on the school I pick or perhaps all of it if I decide to pursue my company’s engineering leadership program. With the way the economy is, I certainly don’t see myself jumping ship to another company any time soon. Who knows, maybe after a few years, I might find the perfect job in this very same company.

Anyone else getting the MBA itch? Or is going through it now? I’d love to hear about your experiences.